Mindful Iterations

A week and a half ago, I went home to California for the first time in over seven years. I wasn’t sure how I’d feel, having been gone for now what is 1/5 of my life. I haven’t been back to Southern California since my 20′s. I wasn’t sure what I’d find.

I spent weeks stressing out about the flight (I’m not a fan of flying). I wondered if I’d want to move back to the land of the ocean and mountains, or as others call it, the land of the fruits, nuts, and flakes. I wondered if I’d see any of my friends. And, I wondered if I’d still feel the closeness with my friends, some of whom I’ve known since I was 14 years old.

I’m still processing the trip. Truth be told, it was quite emotional. I saw my mom for the first time since January, 2009. I saw several friends, and just as I had hoped, it was like no time had passed. The only signs of aging were a couple of lines on all of our faces, but the connection was there and aside from getting bigger hugs, it was like I had just seen them all yesterday.

Examining the Emptiness

Upon my return to the Mitten (the state I now call home), there was a sense of emptiness. While my philosophical views maintain that emptiness is part of the human condition, it’s not always comfortable. I believe that part of this life’s challenge is learning how to become comfortable in the uncomfortable, and remain “okay” even in the face of a lingering emptiness. But, being that I’m somewhat of a thinker, and I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t, I had to examine the emptiness before moving on.

By examining what I was feeling, I realized something is missing in my life. While I have incredibly close Friends (upper case F friends and lower case f friends are different), the majority of them live in other places. While they’re always a phone call away, the several thousand mile distance renders it impossible to call them and ask to meet for coffee in half an hour, or drive to their house on a moment’s notice. These people are more than casual acquaintances; we know each other at our core.

I Like Authenticity

I have a few Friendships like this with people in the Metro Detroit area, but since I’ve only been here for a few years, the history isn’t the same. Trust and loyalty takes time to build. Additionally, the people I have met in the D have been people I’ve met through work or social media. The people with whom I’ve connected I’ve mostly seen at social media gatherings. Add in the fact that social media relationships have an interesting business-mixed-with-pleasure dynamic, and it can be hard to ascertain who is real and who is just marketing themselves as real. In the age of the personal brand, taking the brand out of the personal can be an uncommon occurrence.

Since my return to Michigan, I haven’t been on Twitter as much as I usually am. When I’m in a reflective state, I find it difficult to hang out on Twitter. I don’t know if it’s because I’m clearly a more-than-140 character kind of a person, or if it’s just too difficult to engage and connect on the level that I want (and need).

I’m also taking some time to learn from the self-examination that came from my trip and making an effort to connect and engage with some people who have stuck out in my mind as really extraordinarily genuine people. I do my best to see the good in all people and recognize where everyone shines, but sometimes people just strike you as “real”.

And, to be fair, I’m also making sure that I’m being authentic and real, too. In this digital age, it’s easy to lose oneself in the timeline of life.

Walk Through Discomfort

I’ll admit that I’m relatively uncomfortable putting this out there. But again, I have to walk through the discomfort and be true to myself.